The Ancestral mind: exploring interconnected narratives of past and present

Recently, I came across a concept known as 'ancestral psychology'. It's intriguing how the traumatic experiences endured by our ancestors can resonate throughout generations, shaping our behaviours. Ancestral psychology seeks to explore the depth to which some of our behavioural traits are handed down from our parents and grandparents. In just a couple of months, I've learnt so much about my family history, more than most people my age can even imagine is possible. This process of getting to know my ancestry has underscored how interconnected we all are, regardless of age, culture, gender or sexual orientation. This is why it is not possible to not internalise or take other people's choices personally because they impact us all and our loved ones. For example, if my friends are honest and sincere, it reflects on me and it is similar if my loved ones lie and deceive as it damages our lives and relationships. Contemplating the environment and the self-destructive decisions we make daily, one can't help but wonder how they leave imprints on the tapestry of our existence in this world. Every choice we make influences not only the universe within but also the universe beyond. As within, so without.

I've mentioned it before, but nurturing our thoughts, feelings and actions is the foundational step towards being mindful with every word and decision as we navigate our lives. That's why, in psychotherapy, it's imperative to embrace change without fear and to respect ourselves, in order to be able to respect and accept others' differences. We should, however, detach from people if those differences prove harmful to us or our loved ones, especially if we have previously addressed them with respect and understanding.

When two individuals meet, two different worlds collide, with all their similarities and differences. Whether in the guise of friends, partners or parents, the feeling of mutual respect is what sustains any relationship. Displaying respect for the unfamiliar realm of another being, especially towards the sides of it that are novel and unclear to us, is what can be said love is. This is also one of the reasons why I didn't like the new Barbie film. Whilst I appreciate the humour and the important themes lightly touched upon, the narrative ultimately revolved around the worn-out plot where women exploit men's obliviousness to control, manipulate and triumph over them. There was never a moment where appreciation and acknowledgement for the differences on both sides were displayed, even when the Barbies got their happy ending. It essentially boiled down to combating ignorance, fear and inner conflicts... with the same. (Dear friends reading this, please don't take my opinion on this film personally if you enjoyed it! I understand that we all focus on different aspects of the coin, in this case, I chose to highlight the negative ones!)

I've also recently come to the realisation that, no matter how much we invest in our friendships or relationships, if we perceive them solely through our lens and anticipate their recognition and appreciation mirroring our own, we often find ourselves saying, 'I gave so much, but it was never appreciated.' It's not merely about unconditional giving - whether it's love, understanding, attention or efforts to familiarise others with our culture and world. What truly holds weight is whether what we offer is viewed through the same lens/language/of love and interpreted by others with the same intensity that we pour in. Otherwise, we are likely to be left feeling hollow, deflated and disappointed, once again misunderstood and perhaps even judged.

We all know that in times of conflicts, acknowledging both perspectives in order to understand all motives and viewpoints is crucial. If the objective is to sustain friendship or relationships, approaching conflicts with respect and love is imperative. Embracing our differences with respect, irrespective of whether they are influenced by our culture, life experiences or our own views on good and evil, is the key. The idea of compromise probably leaves many of us with a bitter taste because in such a situation no one's position will triumph. However, victory lies in the place of love and appreciation. Embracing a middle ground is to consider and balance both your and others' needs. 'If our friends and loved ones are not willing to meet us halfway and sacrifice their position to honour ours, they're prioritising their ego. People with a sense of dignity greater and more important than others often cannot maintain harmonious relationships with those around them. Such behaviour always acts destructively and over time, if there is no change, it will lead to the end of relationships.'

To what extent are we willing to embrace our authentic selves and prioritise love and respect over displays of manipulation, lies, facades and hypocrisy? The choice is personal; every step, every word we utter is a choice. A choice that will inevitably influence the mentality of our respective ancestry tree. Whether we choose destruction or want to build bridges between us and others, is a conscious decision we need to make as both a collective humanity and as individuals. Giving up or holding back our personal growth, simply because someone else hasn't reached that point yet, makes us equally guilty.

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